Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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