My underwear smells like fireworks.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
