One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
