No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize