I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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