i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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