If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
