I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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