i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
