WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
