I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
