actually, I'm a sock model
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
