I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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