All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
