last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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