So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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