I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize