is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
is wine microwaveable?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
