if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
