we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
