I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Randomize
