You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
