Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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