I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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