you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
