Pants 0. Shit 1.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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