So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
what day is it and did you see me today?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Randomize
