There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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