You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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