Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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