I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Randomize
