i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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