Sponge bath it is.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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