she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
