every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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