My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
