AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
