He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
