It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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