I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We need a shit load of segways right now
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
