Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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