i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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