Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
