I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
