I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize