just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
