just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
