My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
