now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
