The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
