fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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