I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
