youre lurking in front of me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize