Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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