1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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