FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
