I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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