the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
