I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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