Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize