What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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