once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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