my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I love having hate sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is the high leading the old right now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
