Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
