In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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