God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
